


what do daffodils mean to you?

by gogobingsu (aetervi)



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: (apparently my friend told me the rest of my draft is kinda angsty so I’m tagging it beforehand), (it’s kind of there?? it’s a bigger deal in the later chapters), (not really? it’s just Donghyun with his flowers?), (right they’re still idols and still golcha), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cliffhangers, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heteronormativity, Homophobia, I do what I want, Internalized Homophobia, Language of Flowers, Light Angst, M/M, Magical Tattoos, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, how did I not tag that?, me trying my best to stay pg while also trying to describe donghyun’s tumtum, not a fun time, woooo but it's like one line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29612628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aetervi/pseuds/gogobingsu
Summary: When he showers later that night, he notices that the vines have started to creep up his skin. As he’s checking, he’s sure there are a few more buds than there were this morning—before Joochan had said anything. They always look the same before they bloom so he has no clue as to what type of flower they’ll be either.He’s not even sure he wants to know. Knowing his luck, they’ll probably be yellow for friendship, or a type of flower that means ‘unrequited love’ or ‘hopelessness’ or something else equally as depressing.Alternatively: The reason why Donghyun doesn’t change in front of the members is because of the flowers wrapped snugly around his hip.
Relationships: Hong Joochan/Kim Donghyun
Comments: 31
Kudos: 72





	1. i: pink petals, green stems

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Long time Goldenness here who just found the time to actually write a golden child story: ignore the fact that I have seven other stories that are half done just sitting in my documents. (Maybe I’ll make one of those Drabble posts and just dump them there if you want to read them)
> 
> This idea would not leave my mind after the Burn It mv with that one shot of the vines moving and then Joochan holding the flower in one (lucid dream) so here we are! It’s basically finished being written now, but this is the only chapter I’ve edited, so uploads will be a tad slower.
> 
> Enjoy Dongchan~

He’s just finished a music show performance during their ‘Pump it Up’ promotions when he notices. He heads into a private stall to change—more to check up on _it_ than to actually change out of his stage costume. Lifting his shirt and pulling down the waistband of his pants just enough to expose his hipbone, he notices the flowers. Or, actually—the lack of them instead. Gone are the tickled pink gloriosas that had bloomed during their comeback stage for the passion he has for performing. In their place, there is only bare skin, and the vines have curled back up around his right hip bone, curling in on itself, even as it takes up his entire side of his hip.

He quickly gets changed into casual clothing and hands the stage costume back to the stylists. Every change brings the anxiety that maybe this time will be the time where the flowers decide they want to latch on to his skin and never let go. But it’s not exactly like he can just decide to fall out of love. That’s just not how his heart works, no matter how much his brain wishes that it would. _‘The flowers are a nuisance and a ticking time bomb to his career,’_ he thinks, _‘but they seem to define him in a way that’s difficult to describe.’_

They are the reason why he doesn’t love wearing shorts, just in case they end up being a little _too short_ and the vines wrapped around his right hip decide it’s an opportune time to make his life miserable. It was a pretty big shift, becoming a trainee, since at home, everyone had or knew about the marks so nobody questioned when a bloom or a stalk decided to peek out from under a shirt or some other place. In fact, his flowers were the more restrained of the bunch, and to go from no restrictions to every restriction possible to keep the company from finding out? Well it wasn’t the easiest of things and there’s a lot he has to keep in mind.

(Whenever someone in his group asks about why he doesn’t change in front of people, he tends to laugh it off while trying not to look like he’s running away from their questions.)

He’s lived his entire life like this—they always have a family friend from _that_ family to handle and hide any births from doctors who might want to keep them as lab rats or something, so _yes_ , his entire life—and he’s never known a time where he hasn’t had to hide the marking on his skin. After all, you can’t claim it’s a tattoo to your members or your company if it changes every month or so. The things he has to do to cover it are secondhand nature at this point, and the flowers on his hip are as much a part of him as his dancing or his voice.

They head back to the dorm in two vans, and he’s sitting in the middle seat, sandwiched between Jibeom, who’s looking at his phone—probably texting either Jaehyun or Bomin in the other car—and Joochan, who’s fallen asleep on his shoulder. It’s odd how such a small thing can have such an impact on him, and Donghyun tries his best to smother the little besotted smile that appears on his face when he glances down at the youngest 99 liner. Of course, he can feel the vines shift underneath his clothing, as a reminder that it’s only a matter of time before they don’t recede.

 _‘Learn to cherish the little moments, Donghyun,’_ he thinks to himself. _‘Be satisfied with what you have, so you can feel happy when he’s by your side.’_

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

The next time he takes notice of them, he’s just lounging at home in his room when he feels the tell-tale itch of the vines entwined around his hip growing longer. He resists scratching the blooms that he’s sure have grown on his bare skin, if only because he’s been told not to do so from an early age. Apparently it makes them irritable and prone to growing in inconvenient places. The change itself doesn’t happen _too_ often—if you consider once every one or two months _not too often_ —but it sure doesn’t make his life easy. 

He’s still incredibly lucky that his flowers are satisfied with a place on his skin that he’d basically never show anyways. Anywhere else, and he’d have to give up being an idol—or tell management, which is essentially the same thing.

He knows Minchan’s flowers can sometimes stray up and wrap around his neck, far enough from the roots latched on his younger brother’s side to be restrictive as to when he can go out. However, Minchan’s flowers bloom on a completely consistent basis, changing exactly every two and a half months. Not like Donghyun’s flowers, which do what they want, seemingly whenever they want. They’d last changed blooms before this three weeks ago, and had gone from indigo larkspurs to white hollyhock right before that, during their album recording.

(Minchan’s flowers can also be covered by foundation, since he knows when they will grow and when they will shrink. Donghyun can’t—exactly do that, and not just because it’s huge or because it’s an awkward place or even because he’s an idol living in a dorm with nine other people. He just can’t use foundation somewhere all the time, and especially not under his clothing. Those are rentals, the stylists would first kill him for staining the clothing, and _then_ be suspicious. They’d ask questions he can’t answer.)

Idly, he wonders what color and species they will end up this time, but he’s relatively confident that he knows what meaning they will try to convey to him. They only flower when there’s been something on his mind for a while, whether consciously or subconsciously. They were asters when he came to grips with the fact that he wasn’t as straight as a perfect idol should be, and they were yellow nasturtiums when they’d finally debuted.

Donghyun knows what they will try to tell him, and the only thing he can hope for is that they move on from their obsession with trying to tell him he’s in love. It would be rather awkward to have to hide every inch of his skin from the members at all times. It’s a definite possibility that if they don’t rebloom, then before long, they’ll try to crawl on his body, spreading all over his skin until the person he’s supposedly in love with notices. It’s a true story that’s been passed down in their family. He knows that the last time it happened was with his great-grandmother, whose flowers bloomed for his great-grandfather. So, definitely not a myth.

But really, he thinks the flowers should lay off. It’s not like the person he likes would like him back, or even could, for that matter. They’re in an idol group together, with their entire appeal being that they’re handsome and—arguably more importantly— _single_ and _not_ in relationships. He also knows that in the society they live in, his crush would probably be more disgusted with him than anything else. Maybe not, of course, but it’s not exactly like Donghyun can just bring that topic up in group conversation, since they might lie—and his members would start to get suspicious. And he most certainly doesn’t know how he would ask Joochan in private.

Oh—oh shoot.

Well, regardless, it’s not a huge deal. He’s content with how things are at the moment as well, even if he would prefer the situation be slightly different. Seriously. If Joochan’s happy, then Donghyun is happy as well. If that happiness is slightly bittersweet, then that’s nobody’s business but his own. He’s fine with just being friends, so long as Joochan is by his side. 

“Guys, I got a girlfriend!” Joochan says, bursting into the apartment and quickly closing the door once he’s entered. He’s careful not to have said it too loudly, but in their small dorm, Donghyun can hear him loud and clear. 

(Scratch that, Donghyun is _not_ fine.)

It echoes like a gunshot through the otherwise quiet apartment, and soon all the other members are pestering Joochan as to what he means. He can hear Daeyeol fret over what this will mean for their careers and whether they have to tell the company. Jangjun and Jibeom just sound bewildered, as if confused that Joochan could even get a girlfriend.

Donghyun glances up from his phone, able to see the scene from his bedroom’s open door. They’re still all crowding the main vocalist with questions and from his point of view, Joochan looks a bit flustered, but he can see that his cheeks also look a little pink. Jaehyun is the only one that seems uninterested, and if Donghyun can read him correctly, looks almost—unimpressed with the situation.

“It’s another idol, hyung.” Joochan mutters to Daeyeol, looking away and scanning the room for anything other than this conversation.

Donghyun looks away quickly when the two make eye contact for a moment, going back to seemingly playing on his phone. The screen is still black, the phone not on. It’s rather unlike him to just back away from this—normally, he’d probably be the one pestering Joochan about it the most. He’d nag about what this means for the group but he can’t bring himself to do so at the moment.

(When he breaks eye contact, he doesn’t see Joochan shoot a worried look at Jaehyun, who just rolls his eyes and mouths the word ‘idiot’ back as a reply.)

He—he’s not sure how to feel about this. He’s happy? No, cautiously apprehensive might be the right words.

On one hand, Joochan’s _dating_ someone, meaning that he’s not single anymore. It means that Donghyun can’t date him, and he’s trying not to think about that. But he doubts he stood a chance in the first place and he’d resigned himself to that a while ago—doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. But he chooses not to worry about things he can’t change. It’s not like he nags Youngtaek-hyung for tripping all over the dorm—that’s just how it’s always been.

(Certain things are set in stone. Jibeom will annoy Jaehyun, Bomin will be a brat, Seungmin-hyung will wonder why he’s friends with Jangjun-hyung and Youngtaek-hyung, Donghyun will pine in silence over his best friend, afraid to make things awkward between them and the group dynamic, stuff like that.)

The real problem is what does it mean for their group as a whole? Being an idol defines him as much as the flowers do; he’s Kim Donghyun of Golden Child, not Donghyun, the kid who likes to dance, after all. Dating an idol is _probably_ better than a non-celebrity, since they know how to handle paparazzi and hate messages. It could also be a publicity stunt, he supposes. The issue is that it brings with it more controversy and potential scandal, depending on who it is. The last thing Golden Child needs is another possible dating controversy, what with that scare with Jibeom a few years ago.

But on the other hand, the person Joochan’s dating seems to make him _happy_ , and in the end, Donghyun supposes that might be more important than what _he_ wants. _‘As long as it doesn’t inconvenience the group,’_ is Donghyun’s conclusion after a few minutes of thought. _‘As long as he’s happy.’_

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

When he showers later that night, he notices that the vines have started to creep up, now above his hip bone and starting to reach towards his belly button. The flowers are still buds, but as he’s checking, he’s sure there are a few more than there were this morning—before Joochan had said anything. One bud has started to unfurl, but he can’t see what color the petals are just yet. The buds always look the same before they bloom so he has no clue as to what type of flower it is either.

(He’s not even sure he wants to know. Knowing his luck, they’ll probably be yellow for friendship, or some type of flower that means ‘unrequited love’ or ‘hopelessness’ or something equally as depressing. He relegates the thought to the back of his mind, where it sits next to the question of ‘like or love.’)

He gets dressed and tries not to think about it. Such things are for tomorrow, when he’s not sleep deprived and exhausted from dance practice. Tomorrow, tomorrow, _tomorrow_. Always tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So: this will probably be a five-six part work, but since I’m not sure, I’m hesitant to label it with a set amount of chapters yet. If you enjoyed and want to see more, do leave a kudos and bookmark it! Also: do comment if there are any issues, or even if you just want to talk! I’m always up for some golcha messages!
> 
> -author-nim~ (a youngtaek bias ㅋㅋㅋㅋ)
> 
> flower meanings in this chapter: (I searched them up so I hope they’re right...)  
> -pink gloriosas: passion, fame, beauty  
> -indigo larkspurs: summer days, feeling lighthearted, and just having fun  
> -white hollyhock: ambition  
> -asters: afterthoughts, healthy emotions  
> -yellow nasturtiums: happiness, joy, and elation
> 
> (just if you want to know)


	2. ii: sour petals from purple buds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As days pass, Donghyun tries his best to avoid Joochan as much as possible. Not because he believes he’ll somehow fall out of love with a little distance—no, the main reason is because he doesn’t want to lose self-control and blurt out something incriminating without thinking. 
> 
> Something like “Joochan, what do you look for in an ideal partner?” or “Joochan, do you see a future with your girlfriend?” or if he’s feeling extra stupid that day, “Joochan, would you break up with your girlfriend because I really like you and have since we were trainees together? Let’s go on a date?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I’m back! This chapter isn’t as plot heavy as it could be, but I wanted to make a fluffy(ish) chapter before we delved into the plot, since there’ll be quite a few time skips in the next few chapters. Enjoy!
> 
> Note: This chapter is set during PIU era, so Jaehyun has curly brown hair and Donghyun has his usual default black hair. I use it to refer to them once or twice. There is a time progression during the story, and it’ll be said when they switch to ‘Burn It’ era hairstyles.

As days pass, Donghyun tries his best to avoid Joochan as much as possible. Not because he believes he’ll somehow fall out of love with a little distance—the flowers on his hip bloom and stretch farther each day. Thankfully not enough to show above his pants, or he’d have an astronomical issue—they’ve started to crawl left and right for now. No, the main reason is because he doesn’t want to lose self-control and blurt out something incriminating without thinking. 

Something like “Joochan, what do you look for in an ideal partner?” or “Joochan, do you see a future with your girlfriend?” or if he’s feeling extra stupid that day, “Joochan, would you break up with your girlfriend because I really like you and have since we were trainees together? Let’s go on a date?”

Not when he comes home somedays with a full disguise on and a giddy dazed look in his eyes. Donghyun knows Joochan well enough that telling him when the younger is this lovestruck would just make both of them miserable—him because of his unrequited crush and Joochan because he wouldn’t know how to treat his best friend that apparently has a crush on him.

Two weeks pass like that, with Donghyun trying his best to ignore anything related to a certain same-aged main vocal. He’s about seventy percent sure that the only reason why Joochan hasn’t confronted him about it is because he’s constantly been going on dates with his new idol girlfriend. Joochan’s been oddly reserved about sharing who she is, considering he’d told the members about their relationship the day of them becoming a couple. Donghyun doesn’t blame him—Jangjun is a menace to anybody not used to him—but the mystery just serves to make him curious.

Donghyun’s curious because he wants to see how Joochan’s treating her. Yes, that’s the reason why. Of course—no ulterior motives. It doesn’t matter anyways, he’s not going to follow Joochan to his date _alone_. _That_ would just be creepy and borderline stalkerish.

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

“Mind telling me why we’re following Joochan while he’s on a date?” Jaehyun asks him once Joochan finds a seat at the nearby cafe, glancing towards Donghyun. Jaehyun opens his phone and texts someone, before shutting his phone off and looking back up again.

“And why’d you drag me into this?” He questions, voice raspier from the heavy veil of sleep. Jaehyun’s eyes are still droopy, having been forced by Donghyun to get up to watch Joochan’s breakfast date. It’s very early in the morning—Joochan probably chose this time since there’d be fewer possible witnesses. It’s a smart move, especially if the other idol is more popular or is already scandal prone. A part of Donghyun approves of the smart decision—it’s the part that _doesn’t_ want to burst over and kidnap Joochan and lock him in their dorm where he’s not allowed on dates.

Jaehyun’s voice snaps him out of his reverie. “Donghyun?”

The person in question turns to reply. “Aren’t you curious as to who he’s dating?”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Not really.”

Donghyun ignores Jaehyun’s answer, turning back to the table as he squints through a pair of binoculars. “Well, I chose you since Daeyeol-hyung would get caught and Sungyoon-hyung and Jangjun-hyung would probably find a way to set off a bomb or something equally as disruptive.” 

Joochan has a mask on and a beanie to ensure he isn’t mobbed by fans, but Donghyun would be able to spot him anywhere. Both of them are dressed in much the same way—Donghyun wearing sunglasses and a hoodie to cover his face and Jaehyun donning a mask and a baseball cap instead. Joochan seems to be typing frantically, and Donghyun can swear he sees a blush on his face. 

_‘Is he texting his girlfriend?’_

“What about everyone else?” Jaehyun asks. He seems more lucid now, but still slightly bleary. 

“Seungmin-hyung would probably say no, Youngtaek-hyung doesn’t know the meaning of subtlety and Bomin had a schedule today.” Donghyun retorts.

He receives a questioning look in return. “And Jibeom?” Donghyun’s only response is making eye contact with the elder and raising an eyebrow, as if to say ‘really?’ Jaehyun doesn’t refute it, only sighing quietly.

Donghyun turns back to Joochan’s date, ignoring how his legs are cramping from crouching. He brushes away a few leaves from his face so he can see what’s happening more clearly. 

“Right, sure.” Jaehyun shifts uncomfortably beside him, giving up and sitting down on the ground instead of squatting. The brunet winces when he sits down, probably remembering that the pants that he’s wearing are completely white—not the best for trying to spy undetected on a friend but _especially_ not when sitting in a mound of dirt. It’s not like he’d had the time to get dressed properly considering Donghyun had given him five minutes to get ready. 

“But do we have to hide in this bush?” Jaehyun adjusts his baseball cap, rustling his hair. He doesn’t look angry so much as exasperated—or well, as fed up as he can with a mask on. It’s really the eye contact that spells it out for Donghyun.

“It’s to hide from Joochan, Jaehyun.” Donghyun spells out slowly, talking like he’s trying to appease a five year old child. Jaehyun is about to retort with something, probably fed up with Donghyun’s crankier-than-usual attitude, when Donghyun swivels back to looking at his table through his binoculars. 

Joochan has stood up, looking in the direction away from Donghyun. A girl, dressed much in the same way as them—with a mask, sunglasses and a black beret on to hide her identity—greets him with a hug. She could be anyone, since Donghyun can’t tell who she is under her disguise. Her black hair is tied up in a ponytail and she leans in for a moment to whisper something in Joochan’s ear. Joochan smiles back in response, looking shy, and Donghyun has to resist the urge to crush the binoculars to dust in his hand.

Suddenly he doesn’t want to be here anymore, but in the end, his curiosity wins out so he stays, gaze locked on the couple. He feels like he’s being a tad masochistic at the moment, especially when he feels the vines move up and wrap a firm grip around his waist. 

His eye twitches in discomfort, wary of the fact that it’s already moved up farther than it ever has since he’s debuted. He’s not sure that he’d even feel comfortable practicing with this, since they tend to jump and accidentally flash skin during their choreos. Of course, they’d just had a comeback, so he probably doesn’t have much to worry about for at least three or four months since their company has four—or really, three and a half—other groups that they can manage and give comebacks for.

(To the side, Jaehyun interprets the wince as something else—Donghyun’s not quite sure what he thinks—and mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously similar to “Morons, all three of you,” but Donghyun brushes it off. He must have just heard it incorrectly.)

Not much else happens for the rest of their date, with both of them ordering a drink and just chatting for the better portion of an hour. Eventually, Joochan stands up and gives the girl a hug, walking away and waving goodbye. He heads in the direction of the dorm and Donghyun doesn’t look away from him until he rounds the corner. Only then does he avert his gaze.

Jaehyun watches him with an unreadable expression, but Donghyun thinks he can see annoyance in his eyes. Annoyance at him? They just stare at each other for a moment, before Jaehyun looks down at what Donghyun’s holding.

“You do know those binoculars don’t actually work, right? Bomin got it from a Happy Meal a few weeks ago as one of those plastic toys for five year olds.”

(Donghyun throwing said plastic toy at his face is completely justified. It only leaves a little bruise, so he calls it even. Wait, manager-nim! Jaehyun’s precious face isn’t really damaged, _calm down_.)

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

They get home after getting coffee from a nearby cafe, his treat—Donghyun feels awkward dragging Jaehyun out for an hour and a half to not even learn who Joochan’s girlfriend is. When he relays this to Jaehyun, the brunet just rolls his eyes, but doesn’t decline the drink.

They get home about half an hour after Joochan’s date had ended. Both of them are covered in sweat after sprinting all the way back to their dorm afterwards, since they’d gotten a text from Daeyeol-hyung that had mentioned a surprise schedule a few hours later. In their apartment, Jangjun-hyung and Sungyoon-hyung are lounging on the couch watching TV, while Daeyeol-hyung and Seungmin-hyung are talking about a drama or something. Jibeom and Joochan are absent, so Donghyun assumes they’re in their rooms or something. 

As soon as they close the dorm door behind them, Jaehyun bolts, running into the room he shares with Youngtaek-hyung and Jibeom. Donghyun shoots a confused look with said main rapper, who’s eating breakfast at their dining table. Youngtaek’s only response is to shrug, eyes half obscured by his mess of sleep-tousled hair, before turning back to his bowl of cereal.

Donghyun heads back to his room, stretching his arms as he does. It’s quiet once he closes the door, and he takes the time to change out of his shirt. Pulling out a random t-shirt, he shrugs off the black jacket and shirt he’d been wearing to hide from Joochan, getting dressed before lying down on his bed. He lets out a content sigh, too lazy to shower just yet. He’s still exhausted from the dash home, so his mind is a tad foggy—kind of like zoning out during dance practice, something like that.

“Hyung?” Bomin’s voice rings out, undertoned with hints of confusion and worry.

“Yeah, Bomin?” Donghyun replies in a muffled voice, burying his face into his pillow. “What is it?”

The maknae stands up from where he’d been relaxing on his bed. He walks over and Donghyun looks up at him when he gets close enough. He places a hand on Donghyun’s back, and Donghyun instinctively flinches. Nobody outside of his family has ever had much physical contact with him—not if he can help it.

“Did—did you get a flower tattoo?” Bomin looks nervous, eyes darting around the room nervously, seemingly unable to make actual eye contact with Donghyun.

How did he find out? It’s not like Donghyun had revealed it. He grasps his shirt in panic—his shirt! Changing his shirt in his room without checking for his roommate or really anyone when he’d known the flowers had crawled up—ugh, he’s an idiot. Donghyun resists the urge to scream. Over seven years of hiding the flowers successfully and it’s a ten minute sprint that does him in.

“No, Bomin. Why would you think that?” He tries to brush the question off, adding in a little chuckle. He doesn’t think he’s doing a good job of holding in his panic.

Bomin doesn’t seem to think so either, with how he raises an eyebrow at the main dancer, his past shyness all but melting away with Donghyun’s obviously fake answer. “Because I saw them?”

“Ah, well this is an issue.” is Donghyun’s only response. Though he supposes calling it an issue is a bit of an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If you liked it and want to read more, leave a kudos and bookmark it! Also: do comment if there are any issues, or even if you just want to talk! Any golden child talk is good golcha talk!
> 
> flower meanings in this chapter:  
> -lemon blossoms: discretion (it’s the flower this chapter is named after)


	3. iii: a darker note of pretty petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyun blanks for a few seconds. “What does Joochan say about her?”
> 
> An oblivious Bomin laughs and replies with, “When you ask him about his love, he’ll gush about how she’s the best dancer in her group and how she’s super cute and adorable. He even told me he thinks that they’re the best person in the world. He’s totally smitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back! This is another chapter; it's mostly a continuation of the last chapter. Anyways, I'll let you read now. Right, starting from now, the homophobia starts to be a bigger deal. So, heads up!

“Hyung, hyung, why’d you get a flower tattoo?” Bomin asks, tilting his head in curiosity. The panic previously present in his voice has mostly petered out, leaving his tone more interested than alarmed.

Donghyun quickly glances around the room. He made the mistake of not looking around one time, he won’t make the same mistake again. There’s an issue on his hands though, since it’s not like he can just brush Bomin off—what if he goes to someone else like Daeyeol-hyung to ask him about it? Donghyun can’t exactly ignore their leader if he asks. 

(Either that or he’d pester the main dancer so much that he’d blurt it out on accident in front of the other members as well.)

(Bomin’s a brat like that.)

He’s still reluctant to reveal what’s wrapped around his hip, even though some part of his mind acknowledges that it’s really the only option available to him if he doesn’t want Bomin telling everyone else. It’s just that Bomin’s not stupid, it’s not impossible that he’d figure it out. 

(A not-so-small part of Donghyun is worried about how his members would react if they found out about his crush. He doesn’t think that they would be entirely homophobic, since they’ve known him for ages—they basically raised him. There  _ are _ a lot of moments they might misconstrue and twist if they find out about him having an unknown crush on a male idol though—since he’ll die before he tells them who he has a crush on. A larger part of him wonders how Joochan will react.)

“You promise not to tell anyone?” Donghyun asks Bomin, who quickly nods in reply. 

“Promise!”

Even though he’d expected Bomin’s response, it makes him feel a little better, even though he knows that his promise really means nothing. If Bomin wants to tell someone afterwards, there’s little that Donghyun can really do to stop him.

He takes a deep breath to steady himself. “It’s not a tattoo.”

Bomin splutters, obviously not expecting this turn. “You’re lying to me! I saw it! It’s right there!”

Donghyun shakes his head in reply. “I said it’s not a tattoo. I didn’t say it wasn’t there.” With shaking hands and a pensive frown on his face, he slowly lifts the hem of his shirt.

Bomin gasps when he sees it. Not because it’s pretty—the flowers haven’t bloomed yet. Not because it’s massive—the part that shows above his pants isn’t too large yet. But because the vines are slowly shifting on his skin like thin green snakes encircling his waist. “What—what is that?” His voice quakes, probably in fear, and Donghyun belatedly remembers that Bomin’s scared of anything even remotely supernatural.

So Donghyun waves his free hand as he tries to reassure Bomin that the vines aren’t a huge deal. “It’s a family thing,” is what he says. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it? Don’t  _ worry _ about it!” Bomin yells, standing up, pointing aggressively at the vines, not stopping even when Donghyun drops the hem of his shirt down to cover up the flowers. “What am I supposed to do about it then, hyung?”

Donghyun rushes to stand up and muffles Bomin’s panicked screaming. If he’s any louder, he’ll attract the attention of everyone in the dorm. “Shut up or I’m not telling you what it is.” There are a few more seconds of wide-eyed fear until Bomin calms down enough for Donghyun to slowly remove his hand from the maknae’s mouth—and wipe his drool-covered hand on Bomin’s shirt. Gross.

He lifts his shirt again. “Everyone in my family has it. It’s been there for centuries.” He pokes one of the buds with a finger and it flinches away, turning around as if giving Donghyun the silent treatment. “They change flowers every once in a while.”

Bomin nods in understanding, blinking a few times as he processes the fact that the main dancer has a  _ living tattoo _ on his skin—yes, Donghyun, it’s a tattoo. After a few seconds of silence, Bomin speaks up again. “Why haven’t we seen this before? During our choreographies, we constantly do jumps and accidentally flash skin.”

Donghyun tries not to look sheepish when he thinks of a reply to that question. “That’s because this development of it growing is kind of a—new development?” Bomin is about to panic again, Donghyun can see it in his eyes, so he frantically continues on. “But it’s not irregular, some people in my family develop larger flowers when they have a cru—“ 

(Fuck.)

“A what? A cru—?” Bomin furrows his eyebrows “A crush? Hyung, you have a crush? Oh my gosh, hyung, who are they? Are they a celebrity or a civilian? Hyung, tell me!”

Donghyun walks over to their bunk bed and slams his head into the nearest pole. Maybe if he gives himself a concussion then he doesn’t have to deal with this mess.

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

In the end he tells Bomin that “Yes, he has a crush,” and “No, he’s not going to tell him who they are,” and “Yes, of course,  _ she’s _ really funny and amazing and cute, haha, why wouldn’t  _ she _ be?” 

“Oh, that’s two members in our group hit by the lovebug!” Bomin remarks. “You look as in love as Joochan when he talks about his girlfriend.”

Donghyun blanks for a few seconds. Joochan talks about his girlfriend? To be fair, it’s not like he would have known about it since he’s still ignoring Joochan. Besides, his best friend seems to spend even more time with whoever  _ she _ is these days anyways. “What does Joochan say about her?”

An oblivious Bomin laughs and replies with, “When you ask him about his love, he’ll gush about how she’s the best dancer in her group and how she’s super cute and adorable. He even told me he thinks that they’re the best person in the world. He’s totally smitten.”

“Neat.” He inches towards one of his hoodies and snaches it from its spot on his dresser. With a wobbly chuckle, Donghyun bursts out of the room and promptly runs right into Daeyeol-hyung.

“Are you okay?” The leader asks, shooting a nervous look at the main dancer. He places a hand on Donghyun’s shoulder and he flinches on instinct—he needs to tamper that reflex, or someone else is going to notice.

The only response to his question that comes to Donghyun’s mind is a nervous laugh, so that’s what he does before not so subtly dashing away. “Come back soon! We have a schedule soon!” Daeyeol-hyung yells after him, watching the main dancer sprint out of the dorm.

(Daeyeol has his hand still suspended in mid-air, from where he’d pulled his hand away after feeling Donghyun flinch. The leader glances at Sungyoon sitting on the couch, who’d looked away from the TV and Jangjun taking a nap by using his thigh as a pillow. He’d seen Donghyun’s reaction. The two oldest members share a worried look.

Sungyoon mouths out the words “Is he okay?” He’s careful not to make a sound, since he doesn’t want to wake Jangjun up. They’d had a schedule together, just the two of them, and they have another one with the whole group in an hour or two.

Daeyeol shrugs. He’s not sure what’s up with Donghyun either. He’s just always flinched every time someone touches him without him noticing. It’s not exactly like it’s a skinship problem either, since he gives people hugs all the time.)

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

Donghyun runs on instinct. It was probably running into Daeyeol-hyung that really made the fact sink in. Someone else knows. Not even just someone, but one of his members knows. He runs as fast as he can in whatever direction he can, uncaring of where he ends up. He passes by a few familiar buildings, including the company building and the cafe where Joochan had his date.

(The last place spurs him to run faster.)

Eventually Donghyun reaches the nearby park. He glances around, but there’s nobody else here in the early morning. He pulls up his hood just in case, having shrugged on his hoodie on his way here. He hadn’t grabbed his mask when he’d decided to run, having forgotten about it. His hair and face aren’t that noticeable, but just in case.

He spots a bench nearby and sits down, still slightly winded from sprinting the entire way here. Only then does he let out a sigh and deflate. Bomin’s words echo in his mind. It’s odd that he’s so hurt from it now. Their group (and him as a result) found out about it a few weeks ago. So why does it hurt worse now?

_ He’ll gush about how she’s the best dancer in her group and how she’s super cute and adorable. _

Is it because he’d thought he had a chance? No, it’s not that. Donghyun’s well aware of the homophobia, and while he’s come to grips with his own sexuality, a small part of his mind had always suspected (known?) that he never really had a shot.

It just became a fact of life after their first year after debut. Seeing Joochan, who he’d lived with and hung out with, suddenly turned into an idol? It turned him from Joochan, Donghyun’s best friend, to Hong Joochan, Golden Child’s main vocalist. Someone unattainable.

Maybe the issue was that he thought Joochan would have stayed unattainable for his entire idol career. Perhaps that’s where he was foolish. That he thought it wouldn’t matter since nobody could have dated Joochan, so there was no point in hoping.

_ He even told me he thinks that they’re the best person in the world. He’s totally smitten. _

Ah, maybe that’s the issue. In some part of Donghyun’s mind, maybe he’d thought that Joochan liked him more than he actually does. He scoffs, rolling his eyes. He makes no effort to hide the bitter smile that blooms on his face. Has he been deluding himself all this time?

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear a pair of footsteps slowly getting louder behind him. It’s only when someone holds something cold to the back of his head that he comes back to the present, flinching away from the temperature difference. He turns around to glare at the culprit. And lo and behold, it seems that thinking about Joochan ends up summoning him like a devil.

“We have a schedule soon, c’mon!” The main vocal says, with that stupid wide smile of his. Donghyun really tries not to smile at him, but inadvertently, the sides of his lips curl up. 

_ He even told me he thinks that they’re the best person in the world. _

Ah, right. This is the Joochan that hasn’t even noticed that Donghyun’s trying to ignore him. That does put a damper on his crush-induced happiness. His smile slides off his face, replaced by a pensive frown.

Joochan shoots him a worried look after a prolonged period of silence. “Donghyun, are you okay?”

Donghyun pastes a fake smile on his face, aware that it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Ah, yeah. I’m fine! Let’s hurry, or Daeyeol-hyung will yell at us.” 

(Donghyun doesn't even think he's fooled himself.)

After a few moments, Joochan nods, glancing at Donghyun again. “Alright, sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back (or well, you're back)! Do consider leaving a kudos and bookmarking it if you enjoyed. There wasn't a lot of flower stuff in this chapter -> absolutely dreading looking up all these symbolisms next chapter though. Talk to me in the comments below!
> 
> flower meanings in this chapter:  
> -anemone: on a darker note, it indicates fading hope and a feeling of having been forsaken (flower this chapter is named after)


	4. iv: innocent beauty stained pale pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is it?” He opens an eye to glance at Bomin, who just looks curious. He doesn’t move his head, since the makeup artists are working on his foundation and concealer at the moment. He’s also entirely too preoccupied with both the dance and the brat of a maknae beside him to even glance at Joochan.
> 
> Bomin blinks, smiling at him. “Tell me who you have a crush on!”
> 
> The makeup brush on his face screeches to a halt for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello! I’m back! This is another set-up chapter really, but OHHHH I’m so excited for next chapter >< It’s where the plot really picks up (and the chapter after that one should be the time-skip to Burn It era).
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

They’re on the way there when Donghyun goes through déjà-vu. They’re still in two vans, he’s still sitting in the middle seat, and he’s still sitting between Jibeom and Joochan. Jaehyun is sitting in the row in front, to his right, and he turns to face Donghyun after a few moments of feeling a pair of eyes glued on his back.

“What?” He asks, shooting Donghyun an annoyed look. “Do I have something on my face?”

Donghyun shakes his head. He’d kind of zoned out for a moment there, still trapped in his thoughts. “I’m fine.” He mumbles out absentmindedly. How ironic it is, to have the same situation happen a few weeks later. It’s so similar in one way, like how Donghyun is hyper-focused on Joochan, pressed against his side in their cramped back seat. Or how Jibeom is still on his phone, even though he knows he’ll get motion sick because of it.

That’s not to say that nothing’s changed after all, but the changes haven’t exactly been things that Donghyun’s proud of. He thanks his lucky stars that Bomin’s in the other car, since he doesn’t think he can handle that mess at the moment. He’ll take Seungmin, who’s sleeping in the shotgun seat—and who, more importantly, doesn't know about the flowers—over an obnoxiously curious maknae any day.

(Of course, Donghyun helpfully omits how the flowers have stretched up to his belly button by now. He doesn’t know exactly how far, but they’ve got to have grown that much by now. There’s a ticklish, itchy feeling when they move, and they’ve started to constrict around his waist. So, yes. He knows.)

Every once in a while, out of the corner of his eye, Donghyun can see Joochan glance over at him with a furrowed brow and a frown on his face. It’s driving him mad, since he doesn’t know  _ why _ Joochan is worried. Well, that’s not true. It’s more that he’s not sure what Joochan’s assumed for him to be so concerned. It’s not like he knows about the flowers yet—Joochan would have confronted him by now—and Donghyun  _ hopes _ that he doesn’t know about the crush.

(Is it just his demeanor? That he seemed kind of down when greeting Joochan? There’s no way to explain that to Joochan anyways, since Donghyun would rather room with Jibeom than tell anyone about his crush. So whatever.)

They get to the filming site—Daeyeol-hyung hasn’t told him what type of schedule it is yet, and Donghyun’s not sure if Daeyeol-hyung knows either. They get rushed into a room and are handed sets of clothing, and Donghyun hides behind one of the curtains, pulling it close as he changes. He hears one of the staff mention something about a dance video and there’s a little burst of panic that runs through him.

He quickly steps out once he’s done, glancing down at what he’s wearing—he hadn’t had the time to check since he didn’t want to take too long to change. He’s wearing a fluffy sweater, loose and bouncy. For pants, they’re just a standard pair of jeans, so that’s not anything new. He tucks the sweater into his pants, even though he knows the stylists will yell at him later. There’s a lot of jumping when it comes to their ‘Pump It Out’ choreo and he doesn’t plan to risk it.

(He idly scratches at his side, more focused on not dislodging his now tucked in sweater than with the actual itch.)

“Calling Golden Child for makeup—we start in thirty minutes!” One of the staff says, poking her head into the room. Daeyeol-hyung nods, and him, Sungyoon-hyung and Jangjun-hyung leave for makeup—they usually do it in age order.

Eventually it’s his turn, so he heads over to the makeup chairs. They usher him into the middle chair, with Bomin on his left and Joochan sitting to his right. He closes his eyes, mentally recalling and replaying their Pump It Up choreo in his head, just to have a refresher. He’s pretty sure this is the last schedule for this era, so he doesn’t want to make any mistakes. Go out with a bang, right?

“Hyung.” Bomin asks. When Donghyun pretends he doesn’t hear him, still keeping his eyes closed shut, he continues on. “Donghyun-hyung. Hyung!”

“What.” He grits out, a little annoyed at the maknae constantly trying to get his attention. “What is it?” He opens an eye to glance at Bomin, who just looks curious. He doesn’t move his head, since the makeup artists are working on his foundation and concealer at the moment. He’s also entirely too preoccupied with both the dance and the brat of a maknae beside him to even glance at Joochan.

Bomin blinks, smiling at him. “Tell me who you have a crush on!”

The makeup brush on his face screeches to a halt for a moment.

What? Donghyun stares at Bomin in disbelief. Did he actually just say that out loud, with random staff members and the makeup artists listening? Is he insane? He glances around for a moment, before doing damage control. “What are you talking about? I don’t have a crush on anyone.”

Bomin shakes his head, smiling with a playful glint in his eye. “You don’t have to say who it is now, just tell me soon, or I’ll do this again.” The scary thing is that Donghyun doesn’t doubt he will if forced to wait too long. Fantastic.

They sit in silence for a few more minutes as the makeup artists brush on the finishing touches. He welcomes the quiet, still mentally rehearsing the dance. They—Donghyun, Joochan and Bomin—are the last three, so Donghyun expects to be pushed onto the set and given at most a minute or two to get prepared. It’s not like the camera crew wants to be here any longer than they have to.

When that exact scenario plays out, he’s not exactly surprised.

What he is surprised by is being pulled all the way to the main set. Bomin grabs Donghyun by the hand and drags him out of the room, leaving Joochan in the room by himself. The maknae runs towards the set, with the main dancer in tow. On the way, Donghyun tries to ask Bomin why he’d decided to drag him around like a rag doll, but Bomin doesn’t answer until they arrive on set. Instead, he just smiles.

“No real reason.”

(The strange thing was that Bomin kept glancing backwards when he decided to pull Donghyun along for an entirely unnecessary run. Odd.)

Donghyun’s eye twitches in annoyance, turning away to Seungmin-hyung nearby to ask him to help fix his now fluffed up hair. He can worry about things like Bomin’s ultimatum after the schedule’s over.

(It’s during the last chorus when he’s in the middle, right before he switches center positions with Bomin, that he feels his sweater get untucked. It’s mid jump as well, which isn’t pleasant. Apart from a more intense glare, he doesn’t do anything about it, aware that if he tries to tuck it back in during their recording, he’s going to get yelled at and they’ll probably have to re-record. Doing it all over again just means he’s more likely to show it.

It’s fine, right? Everything’s okay. That was one of the last jumps in the choreo, and for the rest of the dance, he calms his moves down a little—enough to match with the less-dance inclined members but not too much that he’d get called out for it.

As soon as they call “Cut!”, he sprints back to their break room to change. He’s going to put on that padded coat he brought with him. It’s November anyways, he can justify it.)

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

When he gets home and his turn for a shower finally rolls around, he tries not to look at the flowers, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees a flash of bright, vibrant yellow. In a panic, he checks his hip. The buds have started to unfurl, not enough to know what type of flower they are but certainly enough for him to see that the petals are as yellow as a rubber duck, or whatever dumb comparison Jibeom or Youngtaek-hyung would make.

He glances over at the cabinet above the sink, where he keeps a bottle of emergency concealer just in case something like this happens. He knows he’d normally never do this, but since their manager had explicitly told them that their Pump It Up promotions were completely over, he decides to use it. Their members will all be stuck in the dorm together for however long until their next comeback rolls around.

Sure they’re used to him not wandering around naked, like Jangjun-hyung or something, so that’s not a huge deal. The issue is that if he starts to wear full on sweaters and coats indoors when he normally just puts on a t-shirt and sweatpants, they’re going to eventually start to ask questions.

He pops open the cap and squeezes a little concealer out, swatching a little to see if it matches the color of his skin under his shirt. It’s way too pale for any part of his face, but it matches the color of his hip and abs perfectly. The bottle isn’t as big as he’d like it to be, but it’s not like he can just go out and purchase makeup during their supposed ‘rest’ period, especially if it doesn’t even match his skin tone.

(So he’s…not going to use too much. Just a little.)

[ 💐🌸🌼🌸💐 ]

A week or two into their non-promotional period, Golden Child’s manager calls him in the morning, asking him to head to the main building’s conference room. When Donghyun asks why, he sighs, the sound sounding tired through the call.

“Why do  _ you _ think upper management is asking to have a meeting with you? There’s a Pann post that they just got deleted that concerns you. Not before it spread to a few people though. They need to speak to you about it.”

Donghyun’s blood runs cold. “Wh-what is it about?”

Their manager hums into the phone. “I don’t know, they didn’t tell me about it. If you want to find out, I’d recommend you hurry up.”

He continues on. “They didn’t seem to be in a very good mood today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do consider leaving a kudos or bookmarking it if you enjoyed! A kudos a day keeps the writing block away! You can chat with me in the comments below, whether it’s for plot, for character confusion, for plain errors, or if you just want to talk!
> 
> See you next week!
> 
> flower (and color (?)) meanings in this chapter:  
> \- cherry plum flowers: a loss of control that has already taken place, because of the frantic fear and dread associated with such situations (flower this chapter is named after)  
> \- yellow (flowers): primarily associated with spreading happiness and joy, however, it is also the ideal color for symbolizing friendship


End file.
